May 6, 1980 — George Bush’s wife, Barbara, is in Eugene today shilling for her husband during the Republican Party presidential primaries.

Lolita tells me she met the missus earlier in the day and sold her a bag of weed at the Springfield Rodeway Inn after the opening of the Eugene chapter of Bush for President Headquarters. She says they got high together, and Lita told Barbara that most Oregon Republicans were rooting for Reagan, not her husband, “the thinking man’s candidate.” His campaign was dead on arrival. Barb said no way her man would accept the vice-presidential nomination and be the chump playing the chimp. Then Lita brought up George’s CIA past, just as the Afghani kush kicked in, and both girls started giggling and quoting lines from Bedtime for Bonzo, and the rest of the conversation is classified.

Later, Barb tells the afternoon crowd that George Bush will emulate the pragmatic conservatism of President Eisenhower, and they all get misty-eyed about the good old days before civil rights and hippies ruined everything. Lamont is there with Lita, leaning against a lamppost and quietly heckling them between drags of a shared clove cigarette. They say the crowd seems more afraid of inflation than they are of the Soviets.

At the end of the day, Barbara Bush ditches her security detail to meet with Lita and Lamont at Lenny’s Nosh Bar for a pastrami on rye and a slice of cherry cheesecake. Lenny gives her a red quarter to slip into the jukebox and she selects two songs: Bei Mir Bist Du Schön by The Andrews Sisters and Creedence Clearwater Revival’s Fortunate Son. A perfect bipartisan choice.

May 7 — Poor Chip Carter is spotted stumping for Jimmy Carter outside the Lane County Democratic Headquarters. He seems confident his dad will be re-elected in November, but he knows Oregon liberals and moderates are drifting toward quirky third-party candidate John Anderson.

May 26 — George Bush drops out of the race and endorses Ronald Reagan, pragmatically accepting the Bonzo role.

~ Richard La Rosa

Post updated March 26, 1980