I was scrolling through my Facebook memories today when up pops a post from 2013 wherein I confidently declare:

“Loggers have reported instances of very old trees—big pines, firs, and cedars a thousand years old—screaming audibly when they’re cut down. They say that the screams are disturbing at first, but as with anything else, you get used to it.”

Not metaphorically. Not as some poetic lament for the destruction of ancient forests. No, I apparently meant full-on, bloodcurdling screams. Naturally, my first reaction was: Did I actually read this somewhere, or did I just make it up? Because, let’s be honest, both options seem equally plausible given the thought-like-things that caper nimbly through my head.

A quick search didn’t turn up any reputable sources confirming that trees scream loud enough for humans to hear, or even if they possess the capability to wail in terror or pain. However, ultrasonic cavitation is real, and pine sap under pressure can making sort of a hissing sound. But that’s more of a woodland sigh than a death-metal shriek.

Returning to the post a couple of months later, I commented with a Jack Handey quote I’d apparently just seen:

“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”

Which now makes me wonder: did I absorb this idea years earlier, let it ferment in the subconscious barrel of my brain, and then trot it out in 2013 thinking it came from a documentary?

Or did I just invent a perfectly disturbing piece of eco-folklore and forget to take credit for it? Both feel extremely on-brand.

Either way, if any loggers or arborists have actually heard screaming trees (and haven’t simply become desensitized to the horror, as my 2013 self so casually suggested), feel free to chime in. Otherwise, I’ll assume my past self was indulging in a bit of creative mythmaking, and I’ll let the matter rest. Quietly.

Unlike my imaginary cedars.